Resources without Attention

I had an interesting realisation after my plant died last week.

I walked into the kitchen and saw my plant had died I saw it slumped over, it's petals scattered lifelessly on the countertop and all the colour drained from what was once a beautiful, bright blue orchid.

"How did that happen?!" I asked myself, "I watered it plenty".

After a post-mortem was carried out :) , I realised I had overwatered it.

The roots has rotted and I hadn't paid enough attention to see it dying over time.

I thought I was a good "plant-dad" so this took me by surprise, as looked at the lifeless pot. Throughout that day, I kept thinking about "bluey" (Yes, he had a name).I had given him everything he needed - water, sunlight - but resources weren't enough. He needed attention.

With more attention, I would have noticed I was overwatering, I would have caught the rotting roots earlier. I would have seen the colour fading from the petals and the leaves falling off.

This got me thinking: How often do we do the same thing in our relationships? We might assume that providing resources - time/money/advise - is enough, but without real attention, follow up or intentionality, or efforts can be useless, or even harmful - like this case.

As you lead in your home, career or community, I wonder, are there relationships you're already texting/calling or meeting, but your attention isn't truly with them. Are their projects your supporting in one way, but not with your focus. What would it be like if you were to give a little more "Intentional Attention" to those areas? Could it increase the impact and efficiency of what your already giving? Improving outcomes or preventing something "rotting at the roots?".

I believe this is a great strategy for you to supercharge the potency of what your already doing. You've done the hard work of giving the resources - now, a little more "Intentional Attention" could bring your influence and impact to the next level.

"Resources without attention are like throwing logs on an unwatched fire. It might burn bright, smother itself out or spark and cause chaos."

The Question that got me Coaching

I had been a few years in a role that wasn't right for me, the role wasn't inherently bad - it was just bad-fit for me.

I felt I was lacking purpose and my work wasn't lighting my fire, more than that it was draining me the longer I trudged on. But, I had spent years to get where I was. How could I throw that all away, what would I do instead? I felt stuck and trapped in indecision of my making.

One day on LinkedIn I saw a post from a senior leader in my organization showing he had qualified as a leadership coach. After doing some research into what a coach was, I hesitantly asked for a meeting with him to see if he could help - not really sold on this whole "coaching" idea if I'm completely honest with you.

Later that week I met with Mike Brennan, my first coach, who showed me the skill of coaching and the journey a couple of questions can bring you on. The most impactful question, one I didn't realize at the time would set in motion my journey as a coach, was;

"What do you want your loved ones to say about you at your funeral?"

Tactfully, followed by;

"What would they say about you if it was today?"

The question is simple - but not easy to answer honestly. I spent two weeks journaling an answer, then coming back and crossing out the parts that were not fully truthful and trying to be more honest with myself the next time around. Until I got to an answer that I could stand over. This process took me through feelings of fear, sadness, worry and more, until I eventually landed on a sense of satisfaction. This was step #1 of a multi year journey to a complete career and industry pivot, but more on that in another blog.

This question, which I have used with many clients, is perfect for successful people who have a huge amount of impact to give, folks who are willing to be of service and be there for their people. But lately, they feel they are not able to show their full potential and really excel.

This reflection can support you in becoming unstuck and give clarity on your next step. It doesn't have to be the best step (it probably won't be) but a mediocre step that can be improved over time is better than no step at all. This strategy helps you get clearer on the type of man or woman you want to be. Then design your life around that vision. Architect a career that enables you to be that person, create a community that supports you. Use that vision as a north star for your decisions.

It doesn't mean it's an easy journey, mine took years and required plenty of sacrifice, But I was already sacrificing by staying in a career that drained me. Why not sacrifice for something truly meaningful.

As Jordan Peterson says, "You should be afraid of taking risks and pursuing something meaningful, but you should be more afraid of staying where you are if it's making you miserable."

Whether you think you can or you can't - you're right.

Last year, I worked with a client who said: "I don't know if I deserve a seat at the table..."

As I prepare to give a talk next week on transforming your inner voice, I'm reminded of a challenge many high-achieving, influential, capable leaders face. Despite their overwhelming success, they begin to listen to their inner critic more often. Nobody else notices, but they do.

In this client’s case, we reframed their self-talk into something TRUE and HELPFUL: "𝘐 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦."

Once they saw themselves differently, they realized the only barrier to the table was themselves. The seat had always been there. Once that barrier was gone, a new confidence was unleashed.

𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐋𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐝, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐢𝐭.


💭We don't behave like who we are. We behave like who we BELIEVE we are. So, what do you believe about yourself?

The Happiness of your Life is Determined by the Quality of your Thoughts.

This one holds special meaning for me—I feel so strongly about it that I have it tattooed on my chest!

As many of you know, I coach GREAT leaders—pillars of their communities, leaders in their organizations, and loving parents, children and partners. But even these incredible individuals sometimes face moments of doubt...
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘙𝘠𝘛𝘏𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘵𝘰 𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘙𝘠𝘖𝘕𝘌 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩.

Recently, I worked with a young man who was, by all accounts, a true leader—dependable, trustworthy, hardworking, and guided by a strong moral compass. Yet, he doubted himself, feeling his goals were too high for "someone like me."

Together, we reclaimed his confidence by redefining what being "A GREAT MAN" meant for him. A strategy we used was Self Talk Analysis:

1️⃣ Awareness: Spotting harsh self-talk that he’d never use speaking with others.
2️⃣ Reflection: Writing down these criticisms daily to reveal patterns and raise awareness.
3️⃣ Replacement: Replacing judgments with statements that were both ACCURATE and HELPFUL.

In just two weeks, his mindset shifted dramatically. His newfound confidence allowed him to take risks and pursue goals he’d been putting off for years.

𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐭𝐡 𝐣𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐲, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨𝐨.

𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢 𝘎𝘙𝘌𝘈𝘛 LEADER 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘎𝘙𝘌𝘈𝘛 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬, 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮—𝘰𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱!

You teach others how to treat you

Are you setting the right tone for how others treat you?

As a former software engineer, I discovered that boundaries are as crucial for building human relationships as creating software security.

🧠Emotional boundaries can be hard to navigate, yet sit silently in every interaction. Each of us has boundaries, and since much of our career is influenced by interpersonal relationships, being aware of boundaries, both ours and others', is pivotal

In my past, if someone interrupted me in a meeting, I wouldn't address it; instead, I would respond by withdrawing, inadvertently teaching them that behaviour is okay with me. But what if I had addressed this?

1) 𝐈𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐲: how do I want to be treated?
2) 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐲: To enhance the relationship, not to hurt it.

💭 "𝘏𝘦𝘺, 𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘸 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨s, 𝘐'𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘥𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘴𝘰". Firm, but not aggressive.

❗REMEMBER❗this isn't about blaming, it's about building better relationships.

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

to get what you’ve never had, you must do what you’ve never done

Are you trying to grow from within your comfort zone?

I was, when I set up my own coaching business a couple of years ago. The idea of marketing and selling terrified me. So, I clung to the hope that client referrals would suffice. Reality hit hard, and the business wasn't meeting my expectations.

💭 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴. 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺, 𝘮𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦.

We are all human, striving for improvement. How often do we find ourselves repeating the same thoughts, habits, and actions, expecting to get different results? 𝑳𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒅, 𝒃𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒑𝒔.

𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘻𝘰𝘯𝘦? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦? You got this!

Your perspective can either be your prison or your power

Have you ever felt like your perspective was holding you back? For me, It was during a meeting where another participant shot down every idea I brought. My immediate reaction was,

"𝘐'𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘴; 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵?"

This mindset, while understandable, was limiting me. On reflection, I realized a more empowering reframe would be to think,

"𝘞𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘦𝘥; 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦," or "𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘭 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘶𝘮."

These perspectives transform barriers into stepping stones.

This experience reminded me that our mindset is the single aspect of life over which we have complete control. It speaks to the notion that we can choose our responses to life's situations, whether it's a career setback, relationship breakdown, or health scare.

Life isn't black and white; it's a spectrum of perspectives filled with nuances. We strive to adopt the more beneficial ones. By perceiving external events as neutral and recognizing that it is our impression that adds a positive or negative spin, we can ignite positive emotions and actions that lead to success.

💭 What perspectives have you held that felt like a prison?

You can't change the wind, but you can adjust your sails

Last year I saw some frustration with the phrase "We're all in the same boat" because… we're not. We all have different experiences, backgrounds, and life situations. I heard someone suggest a better phrase: "We are all in different boats in the same storm." This resonates with me more as it speaks to the differences in how these changes affect us. When we think of it in terms of the quote of the week, it reflects not only the impact of these changes on us but also the varied ways that we can respond.

Our sails are in our control, but the wind isn't. The wind is blowing pretty hard for some, and it might continue to blow strongly for a while. You might even feel close to capsizing, and that is difficult. One of our greatest freedoms is how we react to things. In speaking with folks during times of change, I hear the anger, sadness, and worry; they are all understandable emotions. Emotions which I am also feeling.

As we work through those emotions and let ourselves feel what we need to feel, then we can begin to ask ourselves, "How would I like to adjust my sails in this storm?"

Which Wolf survives in your mind?

This week I thought a lot about an old story. It begins by imagining there are two wolves battling in your mind. One, the "Lone Wolf", thinks in terms of scarcity, fears the unknown, refuses to show vulnerability or seek help. The other, the "Leader of the Pack", thrives on the growth in challenges, strives for progress not perfection, embraces collaboration over confrontation. Now the questions stands, which wolf survives in your mind? The answer is simple but impactful, it’s the wolf you feed. The one you give energy to daily.

Our thoughts and behaviours are carved by our attention. If we focus on growth and collaboration, over time, they will appear on our path. Where your mind spends its time is where you will spend yours. We can be aware of our fears and weaknesses without letting them negatively drive our behaviours. The key is awareness. I recently realized I spent too much time feeding the wrong wolf, then I became aware. Now, I pose the question to you, "Which wolf are you feeding?". Alternatively, if a different metaphor resonates with you, consider "which seed are you watering in the garden of your mind?".